So your SO proposed and you’re not sure if you want to follow through with the workflow succeeding answering “Yes” to his question. Well, this could mean one of two things: pre-wedding jitters or perhaps an insight into what could be a marriage from hell or one filled with unhappiness.
Don’t worry, you are not alone (Trust me!). Quite a number of people get this feeling; from the fear arising from the realization of spending the rest of ones life with the same person to uncertainty about walking down the aisle.
I’ll help you decide (well, it’s ideally up to you) if it’s time to start sprinting in the opposite direction with everything you own on your head or relax and run right back into the arms of your honey.
Reasons NOT to sprint in the opposite direction:
1) Your Partner’s Ex
The partner’s ex keeps coming back; from the constant calls, showing up at family events when uninvited to constant touching of your partner. Don’t worry. It’s not time to sprint. Though you might feel threatened or have waves of jealousy flowing through you, relax and take a deep breathe. Talk to your partner and let him/her deal with it. Not your headache and definitely not a reason to call things off.
2) Low Tolerance
You moved in together post-engagement and all was fine initially: from hygiene to the sex life. However, now your partner leaves unwashed dishes in the sink, doesn’t empty the trash, and many more. You should know that the engagement period is not always happy camping. Pre-wedding stress can make you or your partner more irritable and easily annoyed. Your threshold might drop and habits tend to make you angry. Don’t worry. Just relax. It’s important that you understand that this is stress and do your best to not let it hinder the beautiful love that brought you guys together. During the wedding planning stages from the first day to the day before your wedding, it’s important that you relax. I am sure you don’t want eye bags or wrinkles all over due to wedding planning.
Reasons to sprint in the opposite direction or seek help:
As you can imagine, it’s easier to list reasons to sprint in the other direction with your load on your head. Here are some I came up with. Feel free to contribute!
It’s said that money is the root of all evils. This is true and definitely applies to marriages. Most people neglect to discuss about finances before getting married. Majority of divorces stem from finances. If you and your partner can’t agree on your money spending philosophy and how expenses will be taken care of, then this might just be a reason to reconsider or seek help.
2) Abuse (Emotional or Physical):
I wish I could say seek help on this but I’ll let my person opinion take precedence here. RUN!!! Take your bag and your dignity and RUN as fast as your leg will carry you. If your partner can abuse you BEFORE you guys are married, only worse can be expected. You can seek help, but it should be therapy to get YOU back in shape and NOT back with your abuser.
3) Family wahala/drama:
Remember marriage goes beyond the couple, it affects the family as well and unites them. If you are not and cannot get along with your SO’s family, perhaps it’s time to seek help. Some family drama exceeds some. You know your tolerance level. If after seeking help, you realize you can’t stay in a house that would be unbearable for you, please do me and yourself a favor: RUN!.
4) Sex life:
You might ask what does sex have to do with it. Well I’ll tell you: A LOT. If your sex life is boring, painful and unpleasant and you’ve introduced extras (toys, new positions and even got a medical professional involved) and still no improvement, then my friend, please cut it off. Save your self the headache of dealing with a cheating partner or putting your partner through such headache. The fact of the matter is, if the cookie being served at home is not warm and delicious, then your partner will go around tasting different cookies and we all know the outcome of that.
5) Betrayal (Cheating, and Dishonesty):
Need I say more. RUN!
Another source of conflict in the home. If you and your partner have conflicting beliefs that cannot be resolved either through professional help or discussing amongst each other, then sprint in the opposite direction. I mean imagine a home where the husband is a dedicated idol worshiper and the wife is a strong christian. Such a home would be hot. From putting rituals around, to sprinkling holy water and anointing oil, I wouldn’t want to be caught or found in such a place.
7) Kids and their upbringing:
You and your partner need to talk about this; from how many kids to be brought into this world to how you want to raise them (religion, education, discipline etc). You’ll be surprised as to how couples have problems with this and disagree a lot. To avoid any issues while married, talk about this and seek help if need to. Compromise as seen fit but be true to yourself as well. If all just doesn’t sit well (for example, you want to adopt and your partner wants to have a kid of his/her own), then it’s time to cut your loses and move on.
I highly recommend pre-wedding counseling for all the newly engaged people out there. Read our article on why pre-wedding counseling might be right for you: http://www.allaboutnaijaweddings.com/2011/is-prewedding-counseling-right-for-you/
Photo Credit: Just Dreamz