Ask AANW: Is it Ok to Start Planning My Wedding Before Announcing My Engagement?


My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and he recently proposed! I would like to start planning my wedding before I give out any details on my big day out. I am not a private person per say but I have seen what can come out of having too many cooks in the kitchen (if you know what I mean). Am I being selfish?


Hi Uzo,
Congrats on the engagement!!! I definitely know what you mean by too many cooks in the kitchen, for example: family and friends feeling the need to impose THEIR ideas or dreams on you to implement on YOUR DAY. Just because your future sister in law loves tulips doesn’t mean you have to have tulips included in some fashion on your big day. So I get what you are saying. It’s like keeping a unborn child’s name a secret until the baby is born. If someone doesn’t like the name, well their loss. Nothing can be done at that point.

As great as this idea is, you might offend your loved ones and in-laws who think their opinion and relationship with you has enough weight to warrant them being involved in your planning process. This is normal.

Something you want to consider is the feelings of your loved ones and dear friends. Do you want to hurt their feelings by such actions. I can’t tell you what to do but I’ve hopefully shed some light to assist you in coming to a final decision.


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